I Don't Care
by aprylynn
Summary: Post Deep Trouble (5x24/6x01). Based on deleted scene from Spoils Of War (5x19). What are Kensi and Deeks doing to each other? This is for Hermionesmydawg :) [A/N: The link for this story wasn't working when I first posted it. That issue has been resolved. Also, I own nothing. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in such distress over these characters. Sigh...]


"It feels like we've kind of switched places."

"What are you talking about, Lindsay Lohan?"

Kensi's forehead furrowed. "Why would you call me that?"

"You know," Deeks gestured his hand between them. "Freaky Friday... switching places... that would make me Jamie Lee Curtis..."

"Okay... it's still weird that you called me Lindsay Lohan."

"Fine. Forget I said anything and tell me about us switching places."

"Oh... yeah..." They were sitting on his couch when the words had tumbled out before she could give them much thought. Now that she had been distracted by his Freaky Friday reference, she was starting to reconsider. He looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and concern. She took a deep breath and pushed forward.

"Um... you know... we switched places. From where we were that night." She didn't have to say which night. "I mean, you seemed much more sure of what we were doing than I was. You said you didn't care what was going to happen. And I was so terrified..."

He interrupted her with an unusually quiet voice. "I was scared too."

"Yeah, but you didn't let it stop you. Now, you seem to be the one who's more scared and questioning if we should do... this."

"We already did do this."

"And now you're questioning doing this again."

"And you're not?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe a little. But I feel like I'm the one who's saying 'I don't care' this time."

"How?" There was a depth of emotion behind that one word question. Kensi was taken aback and Deeks continued. "How can you be the one saying you don't care? After everything that's happened since then? None of that was anything I could have imagined when I said I didn't care. I didn't think you would have been taken from me. I didn't think you'd almost die. I didn't think I'd be willing to do terrible things in order to get you back. How can you say you don't care after all that?"

"Because despite all the shit that happened to us... all that stuff that we could have never predicted... despite almost losing everything... almost losing each other... I can't forget what happened between us. I can't go backwards."

"I don't know, Kens... When I said I didn't care before... It wasn't because I didn't actually care. It was because... I thought we could work through whatever came our way. But it was more difficult than I ever could have imagined. So far we've made a pretty big mess of things. How do you know we wouldn't just make it worse?"

"Because I know you and I know myself and I know all that we've survived in the last year. And you know what, Deeks? We're still here. You and me. We made it through some horrible things, some of it we caused ourselves. But here we are, despite all that and I'll be damned if I let fear get in the way of the best thing that's ever happened to me." She shuffled closer to him.

Deeks let out a nervous laugh and then spoke softly. "So what's gonna happen?"

"I don't know," she smiled. "And I don't care."

"I suppose you're going to tell me you're falling in love with me?"

She leaned toward him and kissed him. Much like before, he hesitated at first. But as soon as she brought her hands up and threaded her fingers through his hair, he couldn't hold back anymore. He breathed in deep and then returned her kiss with passion that he couldn't hold back anymore. Opening his mouth, he captured the soft moan that escaped her as everything intensified.

It had been months since the last time he had her in his arms like this. Suddenly, the reasons why they shouldn't be doing this were forgotten. He remembered why he didn't care before. He remembered why he desperately had to have her.

Because she was more important than all the garbage they had been through. Because she was more important than all the fears that haunted him.

Because he had already fallen in love with her and there was no going back.

This time, he was the one to start unbuttoning her shirt. She chuckled slightly and then broke the kiss. She was breathing heavily. Her face was flush. Her hair was a mess from his fingers. Memories of her wavy hair spread across his pillow came back to him. She was gorgeous.

"See, I told you we switched places." As she nodded down at this fingers, still working her buttons.

"Does this mean you want to be on top this time?"

She laughed, trying to push him back on the couch. But he resisted and shook his head.

For a moment her heart dropped. But then he stood up and held out his hand for her. She took it and followed him to his bedroom.

Last time they were here together, both of them were a mess of emotions and desires and fears and uncertainty. Now, after all they had been through (together and apart), here they were again, looking into each others' eyes, communicating volumes to each other.

He pushed her shirt off her shoulders and marveled at her beautiful curves. She reached over and pulled his shirt over his head, stepping back into his embrace. Their lips came together, savoring the feeling of their bare skin touching.

"Now..." Kensi smiled as he trailed kiss down her throat along her collarbone. "What's this you said about me being on top?"

* * *

Later that night, Kensi was curled up to his side as she traced circles on his bare chest. She breathed out a sigh of contentment.

"I would think you'd be tired after all that."

She smiled and kissed his neck. "I was just thinking..."

"About what?" He looked up at her as she propped her head up on her hand.

"About the last time I was... here... afterwards..."

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted time to stop because the moment was perfect. Lying in your arms, feeling warm and safe and content... I couldn't shake the feeling that when the morning came, the perfect little bubble we were in would burst and everything would go straight to hell."

"You ended up being kind of right."

"Yes, unfortunately."

"I remember feeling optimistic. And yeah, the next day did go straight to hell, but I believed we could work it out. I believed we would figure everything out. But then... it got worse..." His voice sounded sad as he trailed off.

"We can still work it out, Deeks. I know this is something we can do."

He turned on his side so they were face to face. He made her shiver as he gently ran his fingers up and down her arm. "You know, I think I'm going to like this new optimistic Kensi and her 'I don't care' outlook on life."

"Yeah, I think so too."

"So... how about now? You want time to stop now?"

"Yes." She leaned over and kissed him. "But not for the same reason."

"No?" He smiled against her lips.

"No. This moment is pretty damn perfect... but I'm not afraid it'll end. Not anymore. We've been through too much together and the way I feel about you hasn't changed."

"Same here, Kens."

He wrapped his arm around her and brought their lips together. His hand glided along her skin, down to her leg, hooking it over his hip, bringing them even closer.

"Hey..." She managed to say between kisses. "I thought you'd be tired after all we've done."

"Nope. In fact, I think I'm just getting started."


End file.
